Hoist with his own petard
by Gerti
Summary: Irony is a finicky thing, but Rose decisively fails to care. In which a troll is held hostage and a seer busts out some vaguely annoyed snark in her quest to find them.


**One shot, don't own it.  
Reader: Proceed**

* * *

The village of Deliverer's Hollow is well known for being a particularly good place to stay safe from corelings. The town is constructed in such a way that it forms a massive ward to keep out all but the strongest of the marauding demons, and there are dozens of people there who have turned demon slaying into something like an art.

For Leesha , the town Herb Gatherer and de facto village leader, there are more important things to do than kill demons. Like making sure her medicine stocks were filled.

Though some might disapprove of her being alone in the forest so close to sundown (Arlen and Jardir most prominently) she needed to find a rather rare plant and everyone knows that the more important a plant is the farther into the forest it grows. She often enjoyed these expeditions, they provided a welcome distraction from her duties, while still being important enough to stave off the guilt she inevitably felt when she wasn't working. Her responsibilities as the towns Herb Gatherer monopolized her time most days, and she often found herself staying up late into the night concocting some new remedy or studying the large array of Coreling corpses in her laboratory. Today though, she was strangely tense as she made her way deeper into the forest. The fading sunlight cast deep shadows which danced tauntingly at the corner of her vision. Every time she heard the crack of a twig she'd broken she winced and glanced about nervously as if expecting the very trees to attack. It took her nearly ten minutes to realize what was bothering her.

It was the silence.

The trees were eerie and still as there was no breeze to move them. They stood like sentinels, ancient and powerful, and watching her every move. The animals of the forest who should have been bustling and singing and full of life, were motionless in the shadows. They hid from something infinitely greater than themselves. A predator they could not hope to fight nor even flee, meaning their only chance at survival was to secret themselves away and hope it moved on to more interesting prey. It seemed as if death itself walked by her side, examining everything with the eye of a collector who knows that this particular piece will soon belong to him.

In all honesty, it was creepy as fuck.

As she made her way around a rocky outcropping jutting from the forest floor , the instinctual side of Leesha's brain (Sometimes referred to as the smart half) was telling her to run. To abscond and retreat and get as far away from whatever cursed being was stalking this place. The logical part of her brain rebutted by providing a detailed list of what animals inhabited the forest in the day (None were particularly dangerous) and reminding her that no corelings could possibly be out yet. To which the instinctual side responded with incoherent screaming and panicked babbling. The logical side would probably have called her instinctual side a child and requested that it cease these shenanigans had both not been rendered speechless by what she saw when she rounded the rocks. There on the forest floor, lit by a single beam of sunlight streaming through the trees like a holy relic gone horribly wrong, was a coreling.

It was face down on the ground, crumpled like it had fallen where it lay and decided not to expend the necessary effort to get back up. At first glance it could be mistaken for a young girl, if not for its luminescent skin and the orange horns jutting proudly from its head. Leesha tensed as she came into sight of the creature, expecting it to jump up and do its best to turn her into its next meal. When thirty seconds had passed with no sign of life she slowly edged closer to it. Eventually she was close enough that she could pick up a stick and cautiously prod it. When this produced no response she kneeled down by its side and rolled it onto its back, she took a moment to examine it up close. No pulse, no heartbeat, but the rise and fall of its chest verified that it was somehow still breathing. She stared at the coreling for several seconds, silently debating whether or not what she was thinking was a good idea. Eventually she seemed to come to a decision because she stood and dusted off her skirt. A quick glance at the sky told her that if she hurried she might be able to find someone to help her carry it back to the village before sunset.

* * *

An hour later the coreling was safely locked up in the basement of Leesha's home and the Herb Gatherer was offering tea to Rojer and Jardir on the main floor.

"I can't believe you're keeping a live coreling in your basement, how is that not a disaster waiting to happen?" Rojer asked, understandably nervous about the whole situation.

"I'm keeping it here because this is an unprecedented opportunity to study a living coreling!" she responded, "Who _knows_ what we can learn from it?"

"She is correct Rojer, we must take any chance we are offered to study our foes." Jardir added.

"I don't know…" Rojer responded uncertainly, "What if it breaks loose?"

The Herb Gatherer rolled her eyes.

"Those chains were warded by Arlen himself, I don't think a rock demon could break through those things," She took a moment to sip at her drink, "It's a bit excessive really."

"Are you su-" Rojer's next sentence was cut off by a muffled jangling from below, the sound of chains being rattled.

Everyone froze and stared at the door which led to the basement. Then in a flurry of movement Leesha was up and down the stairs by the time the other two had gathered their respective weapons.

Soon enough all three of them were gathered a safe distance from the coreling as it tested the chains holding it. It looked vaguely confused as it examined the wards on its manacles, in addition to the circle of wards surrounding it. Eventually it stopped its inspection and attempted to stand, but the chains prevented it from rising to its full height. It slumped back down to the floor instead of attempting to stay in an uncomfortable crouch. The creature also looked distinctly unhealthy as it blearily stared back at her, its breathing was heavier than it should have been and it seemed to have used up most of its energy simply trying to stand. She took a small step towards the coreling and she immediately caught its attention. The creature breathed in heavily through its nose and growled hungrily at her.

"I've never seen a demon like this one before," Leesha muttered, before moving to her notes on the opposite side of the lab, "the only one that could fit would be the mimics, but it would have changed shape by now if it could…"

Her voice trailed off into indistinct mumbling as she picked through what notes she had. Eventually she turned back to face the coreling, which had fallen back into unconsciousness while she worked. She gestured towards Rojer.

"Go get me some more paper, I'm going to start my tests."

* * *

Back in Deliverers Hollow strange events were afoot.

It was more than an hour after sundown, and not a single coreling has been spotted. The warded glass was strewn about waiting for a corelings touch, the guards were waiting with arrows nocked, and the warded man was pacing back and forth at the edge of town.

"They should be here by now." He muttered, his eyes never leaving the edge of the forest, where no rock demons were lumbering, no fire demons were scurrying, and no wood demons were stalking. He was accompanied by nearly forty men from both the desert and the Hollow.

"Perhaps they have realized how futile attempting to defeat us is." One of the Krasians commented.

"But why would they stop now? Surely they would have noticed that before if they were intelligent enough to realize it." He responded, his voice low. He glanced at his men and moved to the very edge of the wards. The silence was eerie to anyone who'd spent every night listening to the shrieks and howls of the corelings. Even to his enhanced sight the shadows clung tightly to the trees like an obsidian blanket, concealing anything that might have been hiding among them. The warded man took a cautious step outside the town wards, only to immediately step back when a thunderous crack rang out from the darkness.

Soon a young girl walked out of the forest clad in a dark dress with a pink sash tied about her waist. She made her way prim and proper as a lady should be and was seemingly unconcerned by the dark blood which stained her clothes. The girl stopped just at the edge of the wards, barely an arm's length away from Arlen. The difference in height between them (The girl had to crane her neck back to look Arlen in the eye) further accentuated the absurdness of the situation to those watching, but many of the Krasians unconsciously gripped their weapons a little tighter. Several tense moments passed in which the two stoically regarded each other.

"Hello." The girl was the first to speak, giving The Warded man a small smile.

"Who are you." He asked tersely, unsure what to make of this slip of a girl who walked so boldly in the night.

"I am Rose, and yourself?" she replied.

"I am called the Warded Man, what brought you to enter the forest so late at night?" He answered.

Rose's head cocked a bit to the side, and a tiny smirk flickered on her face for the briefest of moments.

"The Warded Man? Really," She remarked coolly, "That's a bit dramatic don't you think?"

His eyes narrowed a bit but she continued before he could respond.

"But as for my purpose here, I'm looking for a friend." She stated, "Her name is Kanaya Maryam, have you seen her?"

Arlen shook his head, there was no one in the Hollow with that name as far as he knew. The other warriors muttered amongst themselves as well, none had heard the name before.

Rose raised a single slender eyebrow, there was a surprising amount of elegance in the gesture for someone her age.

"Really, you haven't seen her? A little taller than me, rather well dressed." She paused and gave him a significant look, "Glowing skin."

Arlen went still, and the assembled warriors followed suit. When Leesha had brought the odd glowing coreling that somehow survived in the sun it had caused quite a stir among the townspeople. And here this girl claimed to know the creature.

"You mean the glowing coreling." He stated.

"Most likely, I assume you know where she is then." A flash of relief crossed her face before it smoothed back into a look of vague amusement, "Would you mind telling me where I would find her? We really must be leaving soon."

"No." Arlen responded, wiping away the smirk that had been making its way onto her face, "I think you are going to stay right where you are, I don't know what you are but you'll not set a single foot inside these wards."

The girl went still as a statue, and the blank expression on her face sent chills down the spines of even the most veteran of the warriors there.

"You will tell me where she is." She stated as if it was a fact, "If you do, I will make sure the path I take to her does not involve any unnecessary destruction." She remained entirely motionless as she spoke, and there wasn't even a hint of anger in her voice.

"If you refuse to tell me where she is, I will find out myself," The forty heavily armed soldiers behind their nearly impenetrable wards shuddered in instinctual fear, "And I will raze anything in my way to ground."

The shadows deepened around Rose, creating an inky pool of darkness which settled around her like a cloak. Disembodied whispers filled the air with the horrible secrets of the outer gates and the warmth of the night was slowly sapped away.

"Make your choice."

Arlen regarded the girl coolly. She was dangerous. She was _very_ dangerous, but if he told her where the coreling was he'd be pointing her straight at Leesha.

"Go to hell."

Before the men's eyes a pair of needles appeared from nothing in Rose's hands. They were oddly striped and looked almost like a pair of thin daggers, they even had hilts. They proved to be slightly more dangerous than ordinary blades though, when Rose swung them and carved through the wards before her in a single burst of purple lightning. Arlen immediately lunged forward, intending to slay her before she could do more damage. But he suddenly found his momentum reversing as a searing pain settled in his stomach. He grunted in pain right up until he hit a nearby building. The Warded Man looked around groggily to see a nearby watchtower collapse and every single one of his men sprawled out around him. Rose was calmly walking through the carnage she had caused, heading straight towards Leesha's cabin.

* * *

The girl known as Rose Lalonde was somewhat annoyed by the number of people that tried to stop her march through Deliverers Hollow. It seemed that for every roaring warrior she flung into a building, another two would have to be smashed into the cobblestones, then another three would have to be flung into the air like rag dolls and so on so forth. She neared what seemed to be the town hall, pausing momentarily to knock out a man with a machete by speaking to him in the grimdark tongue, when the resistance became more focused. Surrounding the modestly large building was a block of soldiers with large shields and spears, behind them was a veritable army of grim faced archers. She stopped walking and stared at them for a moment. They stared back, waiting for her to make the first move. She sighed and massaged her temples.

"Contrary to what seems to be popular belief, I really don't have time for this." She said, and then promptly made a massive, magic-fueled jump completely over the opposing force, as well as the town center.

With the remaining soldiers still scrambling about at the town hall, she quickly made it to the opposite edge of town. As she reached the wards on the other side of the village and slipped through she closed her eyes and confirmed that she was on the right path to the cabin whose image was fixed in her mind.

* * *

Back in her lab, Leesha was just finishing writing down her first set of notes. Several pages filled with writing lay around her, spread out across her small desk. She replaced the quill in the inkwell with a sigh and moved back to her newest subject. There was a small cut on its arm where she'd taken a bit of blood, she'd been a bit surprised when it had come out _green_ of all colors but she'd seen odder. She kneeled next to it and prodded its neck and collarbone for a few moments before she felt eyes on her. She heard Jardir and Rojer draw their weapons with a clatter and glanced up to see the creature was once again awake. It was also staring directly at her. Several tense passed before the creature opened its mouth.

"Hello."

The Herb Gatherer jerked away as if stung and found herself behind the two men, who held a spear and a dagger respectively and kept them pointed at the coreling. It seemed more confused by the action than anything.

"That Is Really Rather Unnecessary, I Can Hardly Harm Her When I'm Chained To A Wall."

"How did you learn to speak alagai?" Jardir questioned, his spear remaining pointed at the glowing creature.

It raised a single eyebrow in a surprisingly human gesture, but it winced and put a hand to its head immediately afterwards.

"The Same Way You Did I Presume." It muttered, before it finally seemed to register that there was a spear right in front of it.

It stared at the weapon for a long moment before it crossed its knees and place its hands in its lap in another unsettlingly human gesture.

"You Really Should Get Rid Of That," It stated, "If Rose Arrives To See You Holding Me At Spearpoint I Cannot Be Held Responsible For What She Is Going To Do To You."

Jardir's eyes flashed with anger.

"Are you threatening us alagai?" He growled, moving to rest the point of his weapon at her throat.

The coreling looked at him tiredly, its fatigue slowly beginning to overtake it once more.

"No, Simply Stating A Fact." Its eyes closed and its head lolled to the side as it passed into unconsciousness.

Several seconds later a massive crash came from above them.

Then the ceiling exploded.

Down from the newly created hole came a young girl suspended by an aura of darkness and looking vaguely exhasperated. She landed gently on the floor and very slowly looked between Kanaya and Jardir, who was still holding his spear by the trolls throat.

"You will move that blade, or I will _end_ you." The girls voice was like ice and Jardir found himself obeying before he even knew what he was doing.

The moment he realized he was taking orders from what was most likely a demon though, he moved to press the spear back against the glowing alagai's throat. This turned out to be a mistake, because before his blade touched skin he found himself slamming into the wall of the lab with enough force to make him cough up blood. He felt something heavy crash into him immediately afterwards and he looked down to see Rojer unconscious on top of him. He made a few vain struggles to move before a shadowy tendril reached from the wall and knocked him unconscious.

Leesha stood rooted in terror as she watched two of the most powerful demon fighters in the land get tossed aside like unruly children. She flinched when the girl moved but she simply brushed past and kneeled by the coreling. The Herb Gatherer was further stunned when she reduced the warded manacles to dust with nothing but a touch. Then the girl gently cupped the corelings face in her hand and, in an almost intimate motion, brought her free arm to its mouth. The coreling inhaled deeply and slowly sank its fangs into the offered limb. Red ran down the corelings jaws as it lapped up every drop of blood that came from the wound. When Leesha eventually forced herself to look up she found that the girl was staring at her intently.

"What- What are you doing?" The Herb Gatherer managed to say, though her voice quavered tremulously.

"She's nearly starved to death," the girl replied, "A rainbow drinkers diet consists almost entirely of blood."

"But why…?"

"Am I helping her?"

Leesha simply nodded.

The girl did not respond, possibly because the coreling was groggily beginning to wake up for the third time. Her eyes fluttered open and immediately traveled up the arm to the girl's face, where a tiny smile now resided. Then she slowly moved away from the arm, and placed a chaste kiss on the girl's lips, leaving a small smear of blood behind.

"It Is Good To See You Rose." She mumbled before leaning against her and closing her eyes contentedly.

Rose placed a hand in the girls hair, running it through her fingers like silk, and locked eyes with Leesha once more. She didn't say a word, the answer to the Herb Gatherer's question was plain to see.

Leesha nodded, more confused than she had ever been in her life. She could only watch as Rose picked up the girls limp form with deceptive strength and made her way out of the lab.

They were never seen again.

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**Basically a story about Rose being a badass. Because the Strider-Lalondes are simply the best there is.  
****I was considering doing one with Dave and Terezi before I realized Terezi would just fuck with them until they snapped and Dave would just sit there and watch while she beat the shit out of everybody.**

**Reader: Review**


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